LOVE

INDUCTION

Find a comfortable position. Either sitting on your chair, or laying down on your matt. Perhaps on the floor with your back against the wall.

Uncross arms and legs and take a couple of deep breaths. Notice your breathing for a while. Slowly in through your nose and out through your mouth. You are safe here. It is okay for you to enjoy this experience. It is okay for you to care about yourself.

It is okay for you to be here. Think how it will feel to be relaxed and dreamy.

Breathe……1 Focus your attention on your breathing. Breath slowly in with your nose and out through your mouth. Blow out the cares and worries. You are safe here.

Notice your breathing. 2 3.…..

Let go give up let it go for the next time space you will be relaxed- listening to my voice -and spending time and space safely in a wonderful place.

Now let yourself be held wherever you are relaxing. Allow yourself to feel pleasure during this session. Perhaps you will become a calm and relaxed person with rejuvenated body sensations and clear thinking.

Relax.

Let the cares of the world be somewhere else. Let any sounds you hear just wash over you and go on. Sink down into the place you are.

Let it hold your head

And your neck

Your shoulders and arms

And your back

Sink down and relax

Let it hold your hips and your thighs

Let it hold your knees and calves

Sink down and relax. Let yourself GO. Let your body relax and enjoy getting in touch with your inner spirit. Allow the pleasure of total calm. You can release feelings of guilt and blame. You can forgive…even yourself.

Now I will count backwards from 10 to 1 and when we reach one it will be the best level of trance for you

Beginning at level 10...ten

Going down to level 9 - twice as deep as 10.…….nine

Going down to 8.……eight

Now down to 7.……..seven

Down to 6 twice as deep as 7.…….six

To 5.…….five

Let yourself go deeper now to 4.…four

Sinking down for level 3 …three

Down to 2 twice as deep as 3.…….two

Going down now to level one the best level of trance for you. Deeper deeper

One one one

Let yourself relax

Let you entire body relax no

Let yourself slip into a deep state of relaxation

When you are ready find your safe place…….your safe place is in your imagination.

If you have trouble finding a safe place find your safer place.

When you are in your safe place

Look around to see what is there

Perhaps there are sounds you can hear

Fragrances to smell

Even something to taste

Touch whatever you like in your safe place

Explore this place.

It is yours personally

You can include anything in your safe place you wish

This place is always here. You can return in an instant from wherever you are.

Explore your safe place for a moment.

Peaceful,

Safe

Relaxed

Calm

Relaxed

Stress free

When you are ready you can find a place within your safe place and get comfortable. Perhaps a place to sit or lie down. Close you eyes and imagine your love. The love you feel inside of yourself.

Put that love out in front of you and give it a shape. Now, Give it a color

Let it expand to fill your safe place.

Expand it to fill the room you where you began your relaxation session.

Let it fill the town or city where you are

Expand it to fill the state.

Each time it expands it will become stronger and more powerful

Expand your love now to fill the country where you are at the moment and then let it expand to cover the United States

The continent and

Now Let it go all around the world becoming even more powerful as it goes.

Stay here a moment. Time to allow the complete expansion to the outer reaches of the universe where love begins.

Notice how your love vibrates with power and strength now. Stay here for a while feeling the power of your love

When you are ready bring it back to around the world. Back to the continent and then to the United States

As you come back you can leave a little love with anyone or anywhere you wish.

Back to your city, where you are.

Now to the room where you began your relaxation meditation.

Shrink you love smaller now to fit in front of you

Make it even smaller and allow the power to remain

Smaller

Until you love can fit on the end of a pin

Now notice the color and power of your love

Tip the pin now to put your love into your heart giving some to yourself. Allow your love to color your spirit, your body, your attitude, you feelings about yourself. Color yourself loved. Color yourself cared for. Color yourself grateful for breath, life, love, and interaction with others. Add whatever coloring you wish.

You can remain here as long as you wish. You can continue to expand your love, give to others, and place some for yourself within your heart. You are in charge. You can explore you safe place. You can just BE.

When you subconscious can continue the work you have allowed to begin, unassisted and alone and your conscious mind can cooperate with this, you will find yourself stretching, opening your eyes, and feeling refreshed as you become fully alert.

Perhaps it will become easier and easier for you to love yourself.

When Greg begins a great big sigh comes to me....and the feeling is OH MY we have all day. Don’t get me wrong, if you want a deep massage he will deliver, but his touch can be so relaxing. He does the touch in a slow feeling way. Just wonderful. Treat yourself to a Greg massage

His contact info is on his website www.hohac or call 530-305-1656 I have typed this in on the chat for you to copy.

You have been listening to EVaughn, Yvonne Sinclair, marriage family and child counselor in California. This is August 27 , 2009. I have been offering Ways to Reveal to yourself, your inner Goddess.

Hope you got some great tools. Be back next week September 3^rd 9:00 am PST on blogtalkradio.com for my broadcast with Body Bonding Coach, Cynthia Sharp to explore ways our thinking about ourselves gets in the way of acknowleding our inner Goddess.

Talk to you then…EVaughn will be listening.

I wish you JOY and Happiness in your relationship. Take care of YOU and communicate your needs. Express yourself in a way that does not hurt anyone-even you.

Discover the HOT Monogamy that is available.

BE HAPPY.

Thanks for listening.

May your week be interspersed with moments of pure JOY

INTRODUCTION TO GUIDED IMAGERY

I would like to talk first about the meditation exercise to follow. This exercise is meant to assist you in relaxation mediation and self trance. I would first like to talk about Hypnosis.

There is really nothing mysterious about hypnosis. It is not magic, or dangerous. Being hypnotized is not threatening, or embarrassing. Some people believe Hypnosis is someone controlling you or your mind or your subconscious. No one can make you do something you really do not want to do. When I use Hypnosis with my clients I am assisting them in self trance. I cannot make you go into trance. You are in control of that. I can assist you in relaxation and what we call induction methods-or methods to help you reach “trance”. You are in control, you can open your eyes or move and be right back in the room. You are in control of your imagery also. I may say “notice the trees” and you may be imagining tulips. Your imagery is the correct one for you.

Let us consider the “trance” you will be experiencing. This is not entertainment kind of trance or hypnosis. This trance level will be like a day dreamy state. It is actually a quite normal type of occurrence. Have you ever driven somewhere for a while and suddenly you are there. You feel like you have day dreamed your way through the trip? That is the level of trance we will be seeking. You will be in charge. This will be more of a meditation and relaxation exercise than a deep hypnotic trance state.

First I will ask you to be comfortable. I like to lie down and put my feet up a little. You will want to have quiet music and the phone turned off. You may want a soft music, Something you like as relaxing and calming. Low lights are nice also. Uncross arms and legs to allow the energy to flow out instead of keeping the stress inside.

Now that you are all set you can begin.

Our inner "spirit" is more important than our outer "housing". Who we are inside, our inner Goddess, makes more difference in how people are attracted to us or not than our outer body. How we look sometimes becomes more important than who we are. Think about it. Do you know someone who is drop dead gorgeous and is just plain ugly inside. No one really wants to spend time with them. And I have known people who were plain and had a wonderful personality or sense of humor and they were a joy to be around. Have you ever had a really good glass of wine? Do you spend weeks talking about the fantastic wine or the bottle? I never hear anyone say "wow I had the best wine, the bottle was so smooth and shiny, not a chip or crack...." NO we notice what is inside. Think about it and begin to appreciate the real YOU the inside you.

What do you think? How do you feel about inner vs outer? Who is your best friend and why? Is it because they are beautiful? or because they are wonderful inside? Share!

Delete

Sexual intimacy is tied to our feelings about ourselves. Our feelings about our body and who we are.

When a couple is sexually intimate it encompasses a plethora of underlying issues. Sex or Love making is complicated. Our physical health, mental health, emotional health, mood, if we are tired or distracted. All of these will have an effect on our enjoyment of sex with our partner.

If we feel negative about our body we may not allow ourselves to be fully present with our partner, but instead, be worrying if this part or that part is showing and turning our partner off.

To have really good sex both partners need to be willing to address several issues.

First they need to have effective open communication which will open the door to the emotional intimacy that is essential for great sex.

Second they need to use the communication to discuss likes and dislikes, feeling about self, negotiate times and places, talk about fantasy, -in other words increase the emotional intimacy that will allow the sex to be fantastic.

Third each partner’s feelings about self will color the pleasure they allow. If we have a core belief we are not worthy of being loved, if we have a little voice that tells us we are nothing, if our self talk continues to undermine our feeling or worth-great intimacy will not be allowed.

Fourth on the list of good sex would be information. Where do we learn to be lovers? Finding a therapist or quality website for information about ways to improve the quality and pleasurably of sexual intimacy would be a good place to start.

I had a woman client once who wanted to know how to please her man sexually. And my answer was to enjoy the dickens out of sex. If you talk to men about sex and what they like-they usually will tell you they like their partner to be ecstatic about the love making. They then feel viral or competent or feel they have done well by their partner. Men usually have the belief they are responsible for making the woman happy…not true. If you are a woman and waiting for your partner to make you happy you are on the wrong street for yourself.

Here I would like to interject that no one else is in charge of your orgasm. Whether you are male or female. So if we know our bodies and allow pleasure, communicate our needs with our partner, and have a quality emotional intimate relationship. We will, as females, enjoy the dickens out of sex. This will not only please our partner but ourselves.

Working on feelings about self is a good place to start. It is something we can do alone or with the help of a therapist. The old messages can become a core belief. Dark dance to Validate

If we grow up feeling physically unbeautiful, we may develop the core belief that our body is not okay. It is easy to say get over it, but that just does not happen. The dark dance continues to deepen our feelings of low self worth or feeling of unworthiness.

So if we grew up short or tall, or what other kids perceived as fat, or our hair was unruly, or feet too big or small…..you name it = we can get “I am not okay” feelings about anything even when in reality we are fine or even wonderful..

Toes at camp story

So one statement can color our feelings about ourselves.

Take your power back

Get a reality check

and it is more true that the inner you is the most important part. And beauty is in the eyes of beholder…

Behold your beauty. Your ability to love, your willingness to create an emotional intimate relationship with your partner even though it is difficult and new,

So feeling good about you is an underlying support for good sexual intimacy. Then knowledge, communication, a quality sex partner, and a willingness to allow pleasure puts the icing on the cake.

On my website marriage counseling 4u I have a complete program for relationship healing and enhancement. It is called EVaughn’s Sizzling Monogamy Manual. You can obtain it as e-book or on 8 audio book cds, or chapters separately on audio book cd.

It starts with help on communication, the program continues through, among other subjects. family of origin issues where we learn about ourselves and get those old message or a core belief that is not true, all the way to the eighth chapter HOT monogamy.

In hot monogamy you are given emotional intimacy building exercises and a sexual intimacy four hour homework that stresses pleasure as the goal not orgasm,

The body that houses your beautiful spirit is just that a house. Like fine wine, the bottle is not the great part, the bottle is just there to keep the wine together. Like our bodies are there to keep our spirit together. The wine is the important part. NO one keeps talking about the bottle….just the wine. SO consider your spirit as the important part of you. If you are working on loving your body…keep it going, but pay attention to your spirit and begin to love there.

Do you are care about others, care about yourself, are you seeking joy, are you willing to learn and change to make your life more enjoyable and increase the quality of your relationship…then your spirit is wonderful..

Oriah Mountain Dreamer wrote a wonderful poem…The Invitation.

Sometimes it is the quiet times that feel the best. Acceptance by another human. Acceptance of just the real us. No need for walls and masks. Just quietly me. Here is an invitation from Oriah Mountain Dreamer. I love this one. Hope you Enjoy too.

Be yourself. The inner beauty shines much brighter than any outer shell we could imagine. Feel good inside. Be real. Show your true self and you will be loved. Take a chance with intimacy and open yourself to another.

Dance and boys story??

Personal stress can have an affect on our relationship. If one partner is stressed and the other does not understand or is angry that the other is stressed the relationship health will suffer. Stress can actually be positive. Say perhaps you are moving and the new home is a dream home. The stress is positive, however, it is still stress. If both partners are stressed and handle stress differently, there can be conflict. Sometimes clients will come in for couples counseling and be fighting about their stressors. Perhaps finances. And they are taking it out on each other instead of fighting the problems together and acknowleding they are both on the same page and hating the situation.

So taking care to control and manage our own stress can go a long way to preserving our relationship health. Today we will be discussing the physical care of stress. There is a counseling side and in that corner I would suggest, assertive anger expression, journaling, confronting any distorted thinking, and effective communication with your partner. I often refer clients to alternative methods of healing, such as body work and massage. Both can facilitate lowering stress and preserving emotional health or even assist in healing a emotionally.

Our Guest today, Greg Emerson is a massage therapist and essential oil expert. (Other notes)

If you are in the Auburn or Sacramento CA area you will owe it to yourself to visit Greg for a massage. His touch is one of the best. I don’t know about you, but when I get a massage I like to relax. I don’t like to feel I have to hurry and relax because the massage therapist is hurrying. Massage should not increase the stress you feel. When Greg begins a great big sigh comes to me....and the feeling is OH MY we have all day. Don’t get me wrong, if you want a deep massage he will deliver, but his touch can be so relaxing. He does the touch in a slow feeling way. Just wonderful. What is a bonus is the fact Greg uses his essential oil expertise within the massage setting. He may use them for aromatherapy or to treat an injury.

If you are in this area you owe it to yourself to Treat yourself to a Greg massage. His contact info is on his website www.hohac.com or call 530-305-1656 I have typed this in on the chat for you to copy. Greg is here to help us with the physical side of stress management. Hi Greg. Very glad you are joining us. I want to know about your massage modalities. You use several and could you explain how they are different and how each one will help us manage our personal stress.

Hello and welcome to the show that offers the tools to add joy to your life. Got Hot? Stay Tuned and enjoy the exploration or join in the conversation. EVaughn tells you how to recover from Infidelity. Get some Hot for yourself!

I am Yvonne Sinclair and I am a Marriage Family and Child Counselor in California. I have been counseling since 1993. If you would like more information about my expertise feel free to visit my website. www.Marriagecounseling4u.com.

We are broadcasting from the wonderful foothills of California. More specifically Greenwood beyond Cool.

This is Thursday August 13^th, 2009 and our show will be about one hour long. I have great easy tools for you to use to help survive infidelity in your relationship. Healing and recovery after one of the partners have cheated is possible. Stay with and find out how that can happen. You can get this information more in depth in my program, EVaughn’s Sizzling Monogamy Manual on my website. If you have questions feel free to call. The number is there on the broadcast screen (347) 826-7465

EVaughn is here to offer quick and easy solutions for healthy relationships. You can have great relationships in general and a sizzling relationship with your significant other. The tools are here you will be surprised at how quick and easy it can be.

Stay tuned and join the movement for JOY.

Are you ready for some positive change??

Lets Talk about Infidelity and the Possibility of Healing and Moving on in a Relationship

“Infidelity,” according to Wikipedia, is a breach of faith, and occurs in a number of contexts.

Also called cheating: “any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship.” What constitutes an act of infidelity varies between and within cultures. It does not depend on the presence of sexual behavior. Even within a close relationship, people might have very different ideas and perceptions of infidelity.

In this broadcast

Marriage will mean a committed relationship, not necessarily a “legal“ marriage.

Partner will mean your significant other, either in a heterosexual relationship, homosexual relationship, platonic relationships, or any other type of personal relationship. This relationship is a “committed” relationship with implied or explicit rules of behavior regarding intimacy-both physical and emotional.

Infidelity will mean “cheating” either physically or emotionally on that partner.

Primary partner means the person with whom you choose to be with either in a live-in relationship or as the person you “hang” with mostly.

Having any problem in a committed relationship can be agonizing. Our lives are usually full of commitments for work and family. When our relationship needs time and energy we usually put those on the back burner. This is how we get into trouble.

Marriage problems can stem from all sorts of issues. Financial problems, death of a family member or child (people grieve in different ways), anger expression, work related pressures, sickness, depression, not respecting your spouse, abusive behaviors-physical and verbal, difference is sexual needs, personality traits or behaviors that are not meant to hurt but do, communication breakdown-well you get the picture. Some of the problems mentioned will also need to be addressed to heal from infidelity.

What does “Infidelity” mean

“Marriage,” whether you do the paperwork or not, usually means that you trust someone you love to care about you, be true to you, to have integrity within your relationship, and to put the couple relationship above all other relationships. When that trust is broken you may feel betrayed, rejected, uncared about, and unloved. Broken trust is extremely hard to heal.

Infidelity, or an “affair,” can be physical and/or emotional. So when a partner is emotionally involved with another person other than their partner it can be an affair, even though there is no physical contact. This then can mean the “affair” can be over the internet. It can be chatting with someone, using up time and energy that should be used to nurture the primary relationship.

Infidelity that does not include sex may be referred to as an emotional affair or romantic friendship. On-line or internet can include sexual activity such as mutual masterbation, or pornography. This kind of infidelity may signify other issues, such as a sexual addiction.

In and of itself, pornography is not illegal for adults, it can be immoral in some religions, it is not “bad.” However, it desensitizes the person viewing to having sexual relations with a real live person. This can harm the relationship. If the time and energy spent on chat groups, talking to another person on-line sexually, or viewing pornography is harming your committed relationship it then becomes “bad” and harmful and destructive.

Having relationships with another person that takes your attention, time, energy, finances or caring away from your primary partner is then an affair. Instead of finding out what is lacking for them in their primary relationship, they seek to get those needs met in another way. Usually this other way destroys or does great harm to the primary relationship.

a Relationship can Recover from Infidelity?

To heal broken trust it takes time. It takes both partners actively working on whatever is needed. It takes the partner who broke the trust looking at the why and taking steps to make sure there is not another incident. The partner who was “cheated” on may have, what may seem, extremely tight boundaries for the other partner. What may be the hardest when infidelity happens is to look at the pattern of the relationship and acknowledge both partners part of the “dance.” This is not saying the partner cheated on has any “blame.” The partner who broke trust has made a conscious decision to behave in a way that jeopardized the relationship. Let us look at the “dance” we do. By this I mean both partners have a part in the relationship health. Both partners will either take care of the relationship growing and becoming stronger. Both partners will have a responsibility to communicate their needs and wishes.

Both partners either take care of these issues or not. So we have a part of the dance. If the relationship is not doing well and we don’t say anything, we are not proactive about making changes or getting help then that is our part of the dance. Another issue comes in at this time. Sometimes, if we are not “done” with our family of origin issues we will choose a partner to continue working through those issues. It sounds “nuts” but that is what we do. If we felt betrayed, abandoned, or hurt in our family when we grew up, we may need to continue to work through those issues. This is where counseling helps us finish those issues and facilitates our choose a partner better for us.

Again, this does not mean because you chose a person to continue the family of origin issues it is your fault you were cheated on. The person cheating must take full responsibility for the infidelity. That partner made the decision to nurture another relationship. Affairs don’t “just happen” as the cheating partner sometimes wants to believe. There are many aspects to personally recovering from a breach of trust. Our own personal history is a basis for how well we will recover. If we were abused, betrayed, abandoned, neglected, or had our trust betrayed in our growing up years and have not dealt with or done healing around this issue, it will be more difficult to recover from betrayal in an adult relationship.

Our own health, mental and emotional will have determine our ability to move on. Our personality will color our recovery. No one can give you a magic potion or quick answer to recovery.You personally will have to take it step by step honoring your own needs and strengths and weaknesses. If your partner wants to heal the relationship, you can work together and communicate effectively to help you work through to the other side. Relationship recovery from infidelity can be successful. Success will be improved by professional help and suggestions. Counseling is important to, not only have a third objective person, but to get tools for communication, resolution of issues, exploring family patterns, exploring personal needs, and ways to establish personal rights and boundaries. Committed relationships are damaged when infidelity occurs. Sometimes this damage is irreparable. Most of the time, if both partners want recovery, the relationship can actually be stronger and more fulfilling after an affair has happened.

An affair can be like a small heart attack. When a person has a small heart attack, they go for professional help. They usually then begin to pay attention, take care of themselves, use the tools give by the professional, and begin to heal and recover. They then become stronger and healthier avoiding a massage and fatal heart attack. An affair can be looked on in the same way. If both partners want the relationship to continue they can actually make it stronger and better. The relationship will then be free of underlying problems and be stronger in mutual trust and integrity. It takes communication, commitment, time, effort, energy, and attention.

I would like to go through some steps to recovery just superficially. Again the indepth explanation can be found on my website in EVaughns Sizzling Monogamy Manual

First Step; Revelation

Obviously the first step to recovery from infidelity if finding out there was an affair. Honesty is imperative here. In this first step the hurt and pain needs to be validated and heard. The errant partner needs to take the lumps and say they are “sorry” if that is true. Time is needed here.

Step Two; Communication

This step is to help both partners communicate their feeling and needs. The hurt partner can express themselves and tell the cheating partner how they are feeling without harming the relationship further. The cheating partner can help the hurt partner feel heard and validate the pain.Then this communication tool and format in one of my previous broadcasts and the first chapter in EVaughns Sizzling Monogamy Manual, can be used to start to resolve the issues that brought the relationship to this painful place.

Step Three: New Behaviors

Just a note here about Anger. The way we express or do not express out anger can interfere with our relationship health and happiness. Anger is “just” an emotion. It feels bad, but it is not bad. What we do with our anger is what either works for us or gets us in trouble. We can communicate our anger in a positive healthy way and be assertive and angry. We can be angry with someone and still love him or he.

Anger finds a way to come out no matter. It may express itself in a physical illness. It may come out all at once in a rage or angry explosion. Some way anger will find a way to express itself. It can be healthy or unhealthy, you are the one to choose.

Sometimes anger expression is avoided for other reasons, like fear of losing control, fear of hurting or offending another person, fear we will be disliked or rejected, fear our partner will no longer like us.

Take responsibility for your own behaviors and choices. Anger is not wrong. It is our indictor something is not right in our world. We can use our anger to make changes in our world. Sometimes our anger is justified. Direct your anger towards the right place. Don’t kick the dog when your day went poorly. Don’t yell at your partner because your boss was in a bad mood.

When you express your anger directly at the problem…then you can make changes, especially for yourself.

Personal Needs and Rights

Within a relationship each partner has personal rights. A healthy relationship allows each partner to be an individual. They are together because they want to be together not because they need to be together. Each partner has their own personal boundaries and the right to respect and privacy. In a healthy relationship trust is automatic. One of my previous broadcasts addresses control and includes a discussion on personal rights and boundaries. And again, in EVaughns Sizzzling Monogamy Manual this issue is addressed more in depth.

Sometimes, what gets in the way of our ability to trust and to be a part of a healthy relationship is our pattern of distorted thinking, irrational ideas, or mistaken assumptions.

Believing those who love you can automatically know what you want or need is definitely a distorted thinking form. Not many of us are mind readers. If you want your needs met and your wishes fulfilled, YOU need to communicate clearly those needs and wishes.

Beginning Again;

Activities to increase emotional intimacy

Some of the exercises in this chapter are to encourage each partner to increase his or her ability to find, give, and enjoy

pleasure. People today often have “scurvy of the soul.” Our own

soul is not nurtured and fulfilled. We may have a tendency to do

what society or culture tells us will bring us happiness or joy. We

often pay no attention to our own ability to enjoy pleasure and

don’t take the time to learn how to give pleasure.

We may not even know what pleasure” means for ourselves. If we ignore pleasure, we are not fully developed emotionally.

Pleasure is a wonderful ingredient in a healthy relationship. Today we sometimes get the message, men give pleasure and women receive.

Some men don’t give themselves permission to receive pleasure. When they do their relationship deepens and becomes more intimate and solid.

Emotional intimacy building

I will give you a couple exercises today to help build emotional intimacy and encourage an increase of trust.

First:

Emotional intimacy building exercises can be a talking together exercise. Arranging safe sacred space, yab yum....discussing specific topics, just listening and valadate the speaker. Talking sharing from the heart, even working through issues together can increase our emotional intimacy.

Second; Breathing together

In this exercise partners will lay together in the spoon position. Usually the Female in front. the male in the back.” The male is in charge of creating a safe space and the female is in charge of the pace. So, the one in front will begin to breathe loud enough for her partner to hear. The person in back then will then coordinate his breathing with hers. Spend about 15-20 minutes with this exercise. This can be done just before you go to sleep or can be used to connect and be on the same wavelength before a sexual time. Again, this is not a timed event. Keep it about breathing-not touching. Take as much time as you like.

This exercise increases emotional intimacy and is not meant to be physical intimacy or sexual. It also nurtures trust in your relationship. This exercise helps both partners to “trust” the other cares enough to just BE together. The partner cares about you enough to notice your breathing or breathe with you. Just BE together-close out the world for a few moments and sink into each other.

Third; Heart Salute

In this exercise you will sit as you were for the communication exercise. Yabyum is good here, too. Create a quiet space, perhaps your sacred safe space if you have time. Sit face to face. In this space, put your right hands on each other’s heart. Look deep into each other’s eyes. Spend a few minutes just being together. Coordinating your breathing will increase the intimacy of this exercise.

Now spend about five minutes each saying the following;

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you ___________

-What I admire about you _____________

-or any other comment you would like to add.

The partner doing the listening-just listens. The listening partner checks in with themselves-notice what you are feeling? Are you able to let these messages into your heart?

When partner one is finished, partner two responds with “thank you” or something else appropriate. Again, no fixing, no response to statements-only acknowledgement -you “heard” your partner.

Partner two now has a turn.

-What I love about you ___________

-What I appreciate about you ___________

-What I admire about you _____________

-or any other comment you would like to add.

Partner One responds with “I hear you” statement.

Take your time. Add whatever you would like. This is your appreciation admiration time. End with a hug…..and take your This exercise should be done each day. Maybe before bedtime or to get you started in the morning. What a wonderful way to start the day by being appreciated and admired.

You will want to escalate exercises that build emotional intimacy and perhaps physical intimacy once you feel the relationship is back on track. The HOT Monogamy chapter in EVaughns Sizzling Monogamy manual will help with that.

Lets talk about Sex

Sex is a complicated subject. In this relationship enhancement program, sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. Sex is a way to be intimate and share ourselves with our partner. A way to say” we are one” or “I love being with you.” But, sex can get really complicated. Partners are sometimes not on the same energy level, or libido level.

Communicate about your needs and wishes. Explore ways to get both partners what they need. Remember no means NO even when not spoken out loud with words. Notice body language. And, again, it is not about “us” if it is not in our basket…each partner has the right to assert themselves when they want to be sexual and when they do not. Each partner has the right to say “not a good time for me” and be heard. Engaging in sex when you do not want sex is not healthy and not nurturing for your relationship. Sometimes partners just want holding and closeness and not sex.

Communicate, Care, Be intimate, Spend time creating your relationship, it doesn’t grow all alone, Enjoy, Pleasure,

You have been listening to EVaughn, Yvonne Sinclair, marriage family and child counselor in California. This is August 13, 2009. I have been offering Survival after Infidelity Assistance.

Hope you got some great tools and the healing of your relationship has begun. Be back next week Thursday August 20th 9:30 am PST on blogtalkradio.com for my broadcast Personal Stress and Your Relationship with Stress reduction expert Greg Emerson. Greg is a Massage Therapist and Expert on Healing with Essential oils. He will be giving us some help and suggestions for personal stress reduction. Talk to you then…EVaughn will be listening.

I wish you Joy and Happiness in your relationships. Take care of you and communicate your needs. Express yourself in a way that does not hurt anyone-even you. Discover the Hot Monogamy that is available.

Thanks for listening.

May your week be interspersed with moments of pure joy

Depression - Major Depressive Disorder Defined

Have you been feeling sad a lot lately, can’t seem to shake the blues. Do you know someone who has changed, no energy, lack of concentration, libido decreased? In this broadcast we will explore the faces of depression. How do the mental health professionals determine if we are sad or having a Major Depressive Disorder episode? And what do we do then. Are we stuck being sad for life, can we change the way we are feeling? Do we have to take medication to make it all better? What can we do to be the real us again.

Depression can happen to anyone. It can be caused by a traumatic event, a change in your body chemistry, a sense of deep loss around something, or even because you have inherited a family pattern, or what is sometimes called a predisposition for Depression. Feeling sad, low energy, low libido, irritable can indicate you are experiencing an episode of Major Depressive Disorder. Notice the diagnosis is “disorder” this is not a mental Illness that is untreatable and maintained only with medication. It is a disorder and like physical flu can go away.

Depression can deeply affect your relationship. Not only does it color your world differently it may not be understood or accepted. Your partner may just want you to get over it and be yourself again. If depression is not understood or both partners are depressed or one is angry the other is depressed, the relationships health suffers. So, understanding depression and how to help it lift will increase the ability of each partner to cope with depression in their relationship.

Today we will be discussing Adult Depression. Depression presents itself differently in teens and children. Dysthymia is a depression that is milder than Major Depression and lasts for at least two years. Bipolar Disorder is also a Mood Disorder that usually includes Depression. Today I want to explore Depression that is not dysthymia or bipolar disorder. I will be offering information from studies of depression. You referral for that is a website that gives information on what is depression; www.everydayhealth.com/depression.

Later in this broadcast I will offer a check list to determine if your sad is deep enough to be diagnosed as a Major Depressive Disorder Episode. You may want to get a pencil and paper to make notes. You can get a free Depression explanation and check list on my website marriagecounseling4u.com. The list I will offer later will be from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder. This DSM is used by Counselors, Psychologists, and Psychiatrist’s to diagnosis Major Depressive Disorder. This will be a list of emotional and physical symptoms that may mean you are experiencing Major Depressive Disorder. In children depression can present as Irritability only. If you suspect your child is experiencing Depression have a consultation with a Counselor or Physician.

While sadness touches all of our lives at different times, the illness of depression can have enormous depth and staying power. If you have ever experienced depression or been close to someone who has, you know that this disorder cannot be changed at will or wished or joked away . It is not just the blues and you can not just “get over it”.

If you go to the medical Doctor and tell him or her you have headache, fever, muscle aches and you are throwing up. This doctor will probably diagnose the flue and tell you to go home drink lots of fluids and rest. So, you go home and say to yourself-“self this is so stupid, why can you not just get over this fever and throwing up!” Right? NO you do not. You take care of yourself and let your body heal. Depression is a form of emotional flu. I instruct my clients to take care of themsleves and let their mental body heal. Saying to yourself “self – this is so stupid, why can you not just get over feeling low energy and irritable” will not cure you depression. Just as saying get over it for flu symptoms will not cure the flu.

Being depressed has nothing to do with personal weakness. Scientists' reveal that changes in nerve pathways and brain chemicals called neurotransmitters can affect your moods and thoughts. These changes in brain chemistry may show up as symptoms of depression — including sleep problems, change in appetite, irritability, decreased energy.

Although these symptoms are signs of depression, if you talk to any two depressed people about their experiences, you think they were describing entirely different realities. For example, one might not be able to have their usual energy level, while the other might feel tired and unable to motivate themselves. Sometimes when people are depressed it feels like there are up to their neck in mud. Everything is a huge effort. One person may feel sad and break into tears easily. One might pick at food without any appetite, while the other might want to eat constantly.

Sometimes we slip into depression. The sad mood starts out light and slowly becomes deeper without our realizing we are slipping into a depressive state. The check list will be a reality check to see if your sad has slipped past the Just Sad mark..

Some studies show, Despite such wide variations, depression does have certain common patterns. For example, women are almost twice as likely as men to suffer from depression. And while major depression may start at any time in life, the initial episode occurs, on average, during the mid-20s. One theory is that Depression is anger turned inwards. If we identify our anger and express it towards the reason we are angry instead of within our depression may lesson or even dissolve. Men are notoriously taught it is not okay to cry, but it is okay to be angry. So when they are sad sometimes they turn it into anger. Women are generally taught it is okay to cry but not to be angry….so you guessed it. Women turn anger into depression. This may account for the higher numbers of women than men experiencing depression.

Depression or hopelessness may feel so paralyzing that you find it hard to look for help.
Studies show, The vast majority of people who receive professional treatment rebound emotionally within two to six weeks and then take pleasure in life once again. When major depression goes untreated, though, suffering can last for months.

Furthermore, episodes of depression frequently recur. About half of those who sink into an episode of major depression will have at least one more episode later in their life.

Some researchers think that diagnosing depression early and treating it successfully can help forestall such recurrences. They suspect that the more episodes of depression you've had, the more likely you are to have future episodes, because depression may cause enduring changes in brain circuits and chemicals that affect mood. This information can be accessed on the website I listed at the first of the show under/The Problem of Recurrence).

Counseling can also help you identify and remedy the underlying issues that may be the cause of your Depression. Counseling can help you change your way of looking at events, the way you communicate your needs, and offer ways to empower you to be happy.

Can Depression Be Prevented?

depression is usually caused by what we perseive as a traumatic event and therefore is not a preventable condition. What we do to help ourselves, our diet, exercise habits, and thinking patterns can play a part in its progression. Making changes now can offer long-term benefits to your mental health.

A word here about my statement about depression following a persived traumatic event. To one person truama can be a huge horrible event and to another it can be something more subtile. Each person has their own reality and another cannot say what is truamatic for you. Only you can determine what feels traumatic to you.

Listen to the Communication broadcast archived on my profile here at blogtalkradio for some information and help on feelings, expersion, and personal realities.

The communication information will help you with thinking patterns and your ability to express yourself in a way that will be assertive.

Lets discuss some depression prevention activities beyond staying in touch with feelings and being assertive about your own needs and personal boundaries.

Stay active: physical activity is good for your physical health, and it can also help to lift or prevent depression. almost any type of physical activity for at least 30 minutes, three to five times a week, is enough to serve the purpose. Aerobic activity is good for lifting depressive symptoms when they are not severe. Walking, swimming, things that are repetitive. Aerobics for 20 minutes a day is recommended for lifting depression symptoms.
Stay connected with friends and family: Keeping you social life active helps to keep your mind occupied and fulfilled. Sometimes people suffering from depression have the tendency to want to close the door and lock out the world. This only exacerbates the depressive symptoms. Taking steps to stay involved with the people in your life — and reaching out to meet new ones — can help to prevent this from happening.
Find somewhere to talk: Sometimes a friend or family member is not enough. Preventive therapy, whether you choose to see a therapist one-on-one, in a support group, or even online counseling, can give you third party insight into your situation and help you through it.
Othe activities: Find an activity that you can enjoy without the help of others, such as yoga, or tai chi, start a blogtalkradio profile and chat about ways others have managed their depression, journaling, or reading, other activies can help to relieve stress and serve as a distraction. A word of caution. Sometimes we do the busy busy busy to avoid our own issues. These activities would best not be ones to prevent you from addressing what is the underlying cause of your depression.
Care for your physical health: If we don’t feel good physically it can have an effect on our mental health. Have a medical doctor appointment to address your feelings of depression and trouble shoot about any physical symptoms that may be adding to your ability to feel good emotionally. Remember to eat healthy. Whole grains are believed to help lift depression. Popcorn, whole oats, whole wheat, and oatmeat are are all great ways to get our whole grains. Alcohol is a depressant-a word to the wise.

Let us explore your symptoms with our DSM based check list. I will state the symptom and If you find you have five or more yes answers to the symptoms below, you are probably experiencing a Major Depressive Order. If there are more than five yes answers your episode may be in the severe range. I you have printed a copy of this check list from my website. Make an extra copy and you can check your symptoms at a later date to see how you are doing, or share this check list with a friend.

Answering “yes” to five or more of these symptoms so here they are.

Appetite change/weight loss or gain total of five pounds or more.

Trouble sleeping

Trouble going to sleep

Trouble staying asleep

Trouble with waking early

Trouble with Concentration

Sad most of the day

Cry easily

Feeling helpless and hopeless

Feelings of worthlessness

Loss of interest in usually enjoyed activities

Energy level down

Sex drive decreased

Suicidal thoughts

Irritable

A tendency to want to isolate yourself from the rest of the world

To help with recovery, see your Physician, Naturopath, Herbalist, and/or Counselor.

When you are experiencing Major Depressive Disorder the theory is that the chemistry in your brain has changed. Sometimes it takes a chemical to change the brain chemistry back to “normal”. I am not sure what “normal” is. But to me the word “normal” in this case means back to the usual YOU. When your sad is deep enough to be diagnosed as depression the natural remedies do not seem to make a big difference, and medication is an option for you. There are dozens of anti-depressant medications and natural remedies. A consult with your Physician would be a good place to start. Take a copy of the symptom check list with you.

Some clinicians today believe that depression is caused by a combination of things, biological (including a possible predisition to depressive epidoses), social, and psychological factors. Treatment which focuses exclusively on one of these areas may not as helpful as a treatment that which addresses all three of them.

Complementary and Alternative Treatments for Depression

complementary and alternative therapies, such as herbal treatments, exercise, relaxation or meditation exercises, and acupuncture are all possible solutions for depression. My advice would be to address all areas of yourself, physical, mental, social, personal relationships, and emotional.

Share with your Medical Doctor and or Naturopath any other therapises you will be seeking. Interaction of herbs, suppliments, and medication is a possibility. If you seek the help of alternative medicines make sure they are authentic and quality care. Also, your doctor may be able to offer advice about that particular alternative therapy. http://www.everydayhealth.com/depression/understanding.aspx

Joy- What is this thing called Joy?

When is the last time you truly felt joy? Can you arrive, in your life experience, at a place where you feel Ecstasy? Joy and ecstasy, top of the charts for feelings. How do you attain that over the top joy experience? Is it even possible today with the world condition? Let us explore ways to attain Joy and Ecstasy. Ways to bring Love and feelings that are “over the top” for you. Robert A. Johnson wrote ECSTASY and in his book he states, “It is a great tragedy of contemporary Western society that we have virtually lost the ability to experience the transformative power of ecstasy and joy.” Is he right?

What is Joy? Is it just a feeling or a state of being. How do we know if we are feeling joy? If we are “in love” is that feeling joy? And why does that “in love” feeling go away after a while? If it is joy, then how can I get it back again? Do you wait for falling joy. What is this thing called Joy?

When is the last time you truly felt joy? Can you arrive, in your life experience, at a place where you feel Ecstasy? Joy and ecstasy, top of the charts for feelings. How do you attain that over the top jo yexperience? Is it even possible today with the world condition? Let us explore ways to attain Joy and Ecstasy. Ways to bring Love and feelings that are “over the top” for you. Robert A. Johnson wrote ECSTASY and in his book he states, “It is a great tragedy of contemporary Western society that we have virtually lost the ability to experience the transformative power of ecstasy and joy.” Is he right?

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Can Depression Be Prevented?

Complementary and Alternative Treatments for Depression