“Infidelity,” according to Wikipedia, is a breach of faith, and occurs in a number of contexts. It does not depend on the presence of sexual behavior. Even within a close relationship, people might have very different ideas and perceptions of infidelity. Fidelity refers to the accuracy and integrity of self-representation, honesty or candor in an intimate, committed relationship.

“Marriage,” usually means that you trust someone you love to care about you, be true to you, to have integrity within your relationship, and to put the couple relationship above all other relationships. When that trust is broken you may feel betrayed, rejected, uncared about, and unloved. Broken trust is extremely hard to heal. Sometimes we cannot afford NOT to get some professional help. Counseling is getting tools for living…nothing else. Counseling will also help you look at the big picture and find some answers that may not ever occur to you. Remember you are not alone in this, you have a partner and you can have a professional on your (the relationships) side.

 Having relationship with another person that takes your attention, time, energy, finances, or caring away from your primary partner is then an affair. To heal broken trust it takes time. It takes both partners actively working on whatever is needed. It take the partner who broke the trust looking at the why and taking steps to make sure there is not another incident. The partner who was “cheated” on may have for a while, what may seem, extremely tight boundaries for the other partner.

There are many aspects to personal recovering from a breach of trust. Our own personal history is a basis for how well we will recover. If we were abused, betrayed, abandoned, neglected, or had our trust betrayed in our growing up years and have not dealt with or done healing around this issue, it will be more difficult to recover from betrayal in an adult relationship. Our own health, mental and emotional, will determine our ability to move on. Our personality will color our recovery. No one can give you a magic potion or quick answer to recovery. You personally will have to take it step by step honoring your own needs and strengths and weaknesses. If your partner wants to heal the relationship, you can work together and communicate effectively to help you work through to the other side.

Relationship recovery from infidelity can be successful. Success will be improved by professional help and suggestions. Counseling is important to, not only have a third objective person, but to get tools for communication, resolution of issues, exploring family patterns, exploring personal needs, and ways to establish personal rights and boundaries. Committed relationships are damaged when infidelity occurs. Sometimes this damage is irreparable. Most of the time, if both partners want recovery, the relationship can actually be stronger and more fulfilling after an affair has happened.

An affair can be like a small heart attack. When a person has a small heart attack, they go for professional help. They usually then begin to pay attention, take care of themselves, and use the tools give by the professional. They then become stronger and healthier avoiding a massage and fatal heart attack. An affair can be looked on in the same way. If both partners want the relationship to continue they can actually make it stronger and better. It takes communication, commitment, time, effort, energy, and attention.

Hot Monogamy can happen. I give my clients a “four hour Homework” assignment when they are ready to really cement their relationship and increase emotional and physical intimacy. Communicate, Care, Be intimate, Spend time creating your relationship, it doesn’t grow all alone, Enjoy, Pleasure, Be Joyful .

Remember sometimes Infidelity can be like a small heart attack. You can heal and make your relationship stronger, better, and full of joy.